a blog from 1:14am.

why am i up you ask?
beats the living shit out of me.
my lip hurts first of all. if you read my last two posts you'd know i had a zit the size of india (or was it sri lanka) right on my upper lip that makes me look like (and i quote jen royse) "the herps" and now its kinda almost gone but its stinging because of all the astringent ive put on it.
my head is swirling around and around like the time machines in austin powers, you know like when they jump into it in a cool position and then FREEEEEZEEE, their bodies spin into another time era. thats my head. except its spinning with questions of what fate really is, why things happen, why the quote "everything happens for a reason" even exists. DOES everything happen for a reason, and if it does...why is it taking so long to show me the answer or reason why it is. how long do you have to wait before the "reasons" start to make "things" happen.
wow, i just confused myself. i hope that all made sense, then again its now 1:20am.

tomorrow, well technically today is my sisters birthday. happy birthday nat, you're now ELEVEN. holy..ish. i remember when she was a strawberry for halloween when she was not even a year old, and now she is this fifth grader who i can actually talk to and laugh with.
see before it was hard, being 7 and 8 years older then chloe and natalie. when i was 12 they were 4 & 5. how much fun was that? not fun at all i had no one to chill with. but now, i feel like im the one that wants to do all the chillin and my sisters are too cool for me. great!
and NOW all of a sudden im fast forwarding to when theyre at claremont high. how are things going to be? will dr. o'connor still imprison students for having sex with their clothes on on the dance floor? will luk still be teaching supply and demand in ap world history? will sieg and dye be married already, will the cheerleading squad learn to not drop their flyers, will our football team have a winning record, will chloe be a 3 letter varsity while nat is either the cheerleader being dropped, or the most popular girl in school?
where will they fit in? will they be like me..who made FUN of the cheerleaders? will they sit where i sat, will they talk to each other in school, or be part of different cliques. will they even be INTO cliques? was i into cliques?
shit i just asked like 290439 questions.
i wish i knew all the answers, i wish i could travel through time like austin powers and spin around and land in senior prom for chloe, see her in a.. dare i say it "dress?" with a.."date?"
..wow..get me out of this time warp..i just decided i dont want to think about it. lolzzz

all i know is, time seems to be moving faster now that ive graduated high school, and now that im older. when i was in 8th grade i wanted to grow up so fast. now i find myself wishing there were a time machine right next to me so i could go back.. and see if those "everythings" in my past have brought me a real reason right now.

its 1:31 now.

i should probably deuce out.

<3

yowza.

the last time i was here, was july of 2008
it is now may of 2009. almost a year has past. so much for keeping this blog going.
i think its only a once every year deal, with facebook and myspace and twitter ( which i still refuse to get..) why write on a blog that no one will read?
how do i get my blog to get more reads?
how
how
how
subscribe to more people? make friends with other peepz who write useless blogs about their lives?
ya iuno.
good luck to all, especially those who maybe reading this right now..
God help you, because who knows how you ended up on my path. (:

mad love,
deuces.